it won’t work

It’s taking forever. I want to be done already, and I can’t choose a place. The venues skim by and I shrug at all of them. Even the one where I’m on a sled being pulled along by elephants at an exhilarating clip.

I want to paint. Or make something with my hands.

I go to my standby where I haven’t been in weeks: to the edge of the river with my feet in the water, eyeing the karsts on the other side, trying to take notice of anything that’s changed since the last time.

I am here, as much as I can be.

I am listening … for the Sweetgreens delivery guy.

No, I’m being cheeky. I am here, ready to take notes.

My pants are rolled up, and I rest my feet on a slippery ledge to take a break from the cold water. In the background, the weird, square, yellow-and-white birds are out again.

The girl is there … or me as a girl? Ugh. Whoever you are, I ask you to change your visage.

She wears a costume. A skeleton with an angry rictus in a black hooded cape.

Ha ha.

I don’t have the energy to reprimand her or laugh at her reference.

What do you think you’re doing?

HIDING.

I don’t ask, but she says:

FROM YOU.

I get it. I’m not the greatest company right now.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE.

Skeleton girl sits on the ground. Doesn’t move to reveal herself.

Do you want candy or something?

She puts her hand out, palm up, then withdraws it.

I’m tired and kinda lost. Can you help me?

I AM NEVER LOST.

Nice brag, kid. How do you manage that?

A long silence.

Take all the time you need.

I say this to her, but it’s something I wanted to say to someone else last week.

How are you never lost?

I rub my feet on the wet rock like a pumice stone.

I don’t belong here.

YES, YOU DO.

You kind of have to say that.

I DON’T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.

True enough. It’s a struggle. I think it’s not supposed to be?

I wait. Stretch it out, like I’m supposed to when it won’t come quickly. 

Are you the girl who does not struggle?

She stands and spins in her costume, not to get dizzy, but to move. I am a bump on a log, bringing the whole operation down.

STOP DOING THAT.

What?

YOU KNOW.

Are you sure I’m not just talking to myself?

YOU’RE TRYING TO BORE ME. IT WON’T WORK.

I am kind of trying to annoy her so she’ll leave.

Is it that obvious?

GO THEN. NO ONE IS KEEPING YOU HERE. GO DO WHAT YOU WANT. WE’LL BE HERE WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE COMING BACK.

She flings her costume over her head, thwip, it’s gone, and dashes with a giggly squeal across the water, her feet bouncing and skimming like skipping stones.